MY PHILOSOPHY REGARDING BDSM WORK
For most people when they think of BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism) they believe it is only about pain, torture or humiliation. That is exactly how I thought of it until I began exploring it for myself. I’ve always been a man who enjoys soft things, layers of pleasure, sensuality and erotic touch, so something that involved being struck with anything was way outside my comfort zone.
Once I looked more deeply into my issues in relation to pain, I realized it was old childhood stuff that I had buried beneath that fear of pain. It had nothing to do with any actual experience as an adult and more to do with my fear of letting go. By consciously going into my fears, I’ve been able to watch them dissolve and expose a new layer of pleasure for myself. It’s not about receiving pleasure from pain but rather finding pleasure by releasing the fear of pain.
I want to help others do this type of exploration and interpersonal work for themselves and that is what led me to add BDSM work to my erotic practice. I’ve been doing Sacred Intimate work since December of 2004 and have helped many men work through their fears around their own sexuality and male/male erotic interaction. It’s been an honor to be able to do that work and I plan to continue it but I have expanded my work to include the more intense experiences in the BDSM world.
THE BODY/MIIND CONNECTION
Pain is the mind's judgment upon a stimulus that the body receives. The stimulus is just an action and then the mind responds with a judgment of “pleasure” or “pain”. It’s a subtle difference but understanding that distinction can begin to open you up to a new world of sensations. When you combine that with an understanding of the body’s response to stimulation and how that is part of a BDSM experience, you can watch how your judgment of these experiences begins to shift.
Nerves endings are our body’s stimulus receptors. Each time sensations are detected the brain determines if action needs to be taken within the body. If the sensation is painful our brain begins flooding the body with endorphins and other hormones to mitigate the pain. Endorphin rushes are quite pleasurable and are also experienced when we eat chocolate or spicy foods, have an orgasm or feel love.
In addition to the endorphin flow, the body also responds to impact by sending extra blood to the area of the impact. This allows that part of the skin to begin to toughen up so that the pain threshold is higher and thus the pain is minimized. Each time that pain threshold is met, the process repeats itself and the threshold is raised again. Chasing that threshold and experiencing the endorphin rush is what we’re after during the sessions. Most people get so focused on the impact that they lose their focus on the internal experience but if we consciously engage the process by holding awareness within, a new world of sensations is revealed.
Let me give you a simple exercise that you can do to begin to get a feel for this experience. Hold your non-dominate hand out, palm up. Slap your palm once with your dominate hand as hard as you can. When you do, notice your first response of pain but hold your awareness on the non-dominate hand and what happens there for at least 1 minute. The impact has stopped (and thus you know no more pain is coming) so just notice the tingles which begin to emerge in your hand. Typically we miss these sensations because we instead focus on stopping the source of the sting and not observing the body’s response. Now imagine these tingles running through your whole body and you’ll begin to understand what we after with this type of impact play. By having an understanding of this process and keeping clear communications open during the experience, together we can keep this cycle repeating for as long as you can handle it.
FIGHT / FLIGHT / FREEZE
This work also engages another subconscious process within the body which is commonly referred to as the “Fight or Flight Instinct”. When the brain determines that we are under attack (whether it be real or perceived), adrenaline is released to rev up our nervous system. This adrenaline is used to fight our way out of the problem or to power our bodies to flee (flight) from the problem. The way our world exists however, we rarely get a discharge from that process because we rarely have to physically fight or run so we never release that built up energy.
Eventually our response mechanism gets energetically stuck (freeze) and our body functions as it if were in constant “Fight or Flight” mode. When our bodies are constantly revved up for big energy usage like this, eventually our adrenal glands become exhausted. This is known as “adrenal burnout” or “adrenal overload”. When this happens we feel exhausted all the time because we can no longer get the adrenaline we need just to function on a daily basis. The “fight or flight” instinct stuck in freeze mode can also lead to a whole host of other dis-ease within the body.
By consciously working to reactivate this process with the intention to engage the discharge process fully to complete the cycle, the body can discharge some of the old stored energy from the nervous system. The body can also disengage the “Fight or Flight” instinct which will allow a deeper level of relaxation within the body. It may take several times of repeating this process before the full discharge happens from the nervous system but each time the effects are more noticeable as the body comes more and more into balance.
INTENT OF THE WORK
Engaging this process consciously by using tools and techniques to active this subconscious autonomic response mechanism all the way through to release is the objective of my work. This work can result in the body being more relaxed and at peace, but also help you be more present (grounded) in your body. It can also help you establish a new relationship with pain because you become so aware of your body that you automatically become more aware of your pain threshold. Rather than blocking the pain out, you will begin to notice it and understand that it is your body telling you that something needs attention. By releasing the fear of pain and understanding its true purpose, your life can be transformed.
I recognize that there is a lot of mystery and taboo around BDSM and so I want to help you have a safe, sane, educational experience utilizing the light side of BDSM. If you are looking for someone to seriously inflict pain upon you, belittle or humiliate you, or help you explore leather play, slave training, or anything beyond the offerings on my “BDSM” page then I am NOT the right person for you. I am happy however to refer you to others I know who can help you explore these areas. By playing with your pain threshold, lovingly supporting and encouraging you and teaching you how to engage the experience of impact play, I can help you have transformative experiences and active the processes to help you allow your body to release past stored trauma, stress and anxiety.
HOW I WORK
I have created a play-space where you can feel safe while exploring your desires. I call it a dungeon because it is edgier than a massage studio and it has all of my tools and toys in it. The word “dungeon” has a lot of energy connected to it (both positive and negative) and I use the word dungeon in my site name because I want those searching for this type of work to be able to find me easily.
When we go into the dungeon, we’ll both be naked because I don’t want all the typical BDSM Dungeon Master black leather costumery to be a distraction or a deterrent. I’m happy to wear a pair of underwear at your request but I like to keep the clothing to a minimum so that skin on skin contact can easily be established to keep us connected. I will support and verbally encourage you throughout our time in the dungeon but I like to keep distracting chatter to a minimum. The real experience for you will happen internally and talking pulls your focus away from the inner experience.
When you’re ready to explore this area, please drop me a line. Contact info is on the contact page. Together we will create the experience that is exactly what you are looking for. If this all seems a bit too much you may want to explore my offerings on the "Erotic Therapy" page.
Please read this posting on my blog for additional information on flogging and the healing potential from the experience.